the ambition to dream

12:00am: Visitor's Map! :)


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3:44pm: Yesterday was an intense day.
Holy shit, the lid shattered underneath my hands.;;

D:

Dad wanted me to scrub off the junk on the glass lids we use to cover our pans and I was just washing away when the center with the handle on it suddenly gave way.;; Good thing I had gloves on and it was over the plastic tub. Whoa... I must've pressed a little too much on a bad spot. :X

Read about the Gaza humanitarian crisis yesterday. It's horrible. I find the Israeli government (and it's religious right who advocates for this) repulsive. I'm glad there are a few sane voices in Israeli shouting for the siege to stop and to send food and help in-- and those voices are being accused of allying with the Hamas or of being traiters|||-- but the whole of it is Israel seems to have gone psycho.

The lack of response, or the tacit blanket support of Israel, by the US government is just as repulsive. DD: WTF, U.S., seriously?!!

Hetalia comm exploded last night as well over the cancellation of TV broadcast of the anime. (Seems such a neglible thing in comparison that shouldn't even go on the radar. orz There seemed to be a little wank, but that caught itself quickly.)

I also got my first Hetalia doujinshi yesterday. ♥

Unc and Auntie are coming down tonight so I'm sort of cleaning. D: I think I have about an hour left... I also need to finish up this letter and mail them out. ::work::

....haven't really done anything productive though. :/

orz

Also... Britain study on coffee inducing more hallucinations in people BUT seems to slow dementia? Neat.;

1:52am: Tibet T_T
There was a request up for Tibet on the Hetalia Request comm. I am interested because of the riots last year and violations of human rights that bought my attention to Tibet. I went to Google to pull up some information to see if I could shake anything loose from my clump of procrastination and searched for Free Tibet, since, wTell, that's part of what I remember.

Then I read the news feed on the site.

Jesus Christ. Ever since that blowout I had with STA, a (Taiwanese) Chinese club at UCSD, I really despise the authoritarian (read: dictatorial) Chinese mentality. The abysmal human rights record and treatment of Taiwan and organ harvesting/Falun murders (and maybe the gender gap/missing girls of China) just put me in a hate-like relationship (I know people from China and they're nice; plus history and all that).

But this is enough. The Chinese government disgusts me. I feel like it's turning into something like North Korea. There's so much rot, violent oppression, and lies....

5:07pm: World Summit and Polar Star browsing
I just went all the links provided in the circle listings for the two Hetalia events that Little Nook is going to.

I feel like my head is going to explode. There were a bunch I couldn't understand how to access, a surprising number of sites have defaulted into password locking their sites. I managed to figure out maybe 3, 4, but those took a while. I guess some of it is unavoidable when people keep taking out the art to plaster elsewhere, but Jesus, will never figure out what they're about.

And out of all of the sites I went through, there are only 3 whose works I might be interested in.... (Ahaha, what a waste of an afternoon, eh?)

Going to look them over and reply back to Little Nook. ::yawn:: Man I wish I'd just hung around outside in the sun for a while this afternoon. :( Got carried away checking out all the sites. :(

11:07am: Trivia and Comedy Improv?
My arms got a little scratched up when I volunteered at Border State Park on Saturday. I was down to a T-shirt because I figured the work would have me too hot otherwise, and I didn't even realize the plants had scratched up my arms until I paused much later.

Some of them turned into welts (and were itchy) and eventually a few of those, blistered. ...it's pretty weird to see a blister in the middle of a scratch. I think they're all getting better though.

Signed up for Comedy Improv at PCC Extension and it started last night. It wasn't quite what I had in mind, but it seems fun and somewhat interesting. It doesn't teach you how to be funny, but how to react quickly and be yourself. (Mainly improv; I'm not sure why there's a Comedy with the title.)

Last night we did the Story Story, Hitchhikers in a Car, Sit Stand Lean, and the Middle in a bar scenarios.

7:23pm: Back home!
Over this weekend I drove 368 miles. Not bad, right? :D

We went to the San Diego Zoo Sunday and that was fun. I... however forgot to take my admission ticket with me which was part of the exercise of going to the zoo in the first place. Unc covered it for me. ;_; ♥

My rechargable batteries kept running out quickly. I don't understand why. I'm starting to suspect the charger.

Afterward we went back and had dinner at Popeyes where this semi-funny ordering process took place. I chilled out a bit at their place and then packed up and drove home. ^^

Tired today. As it turns out I can't attend the Career Svcs Ctr workshops tomorrow or the fair on Wednesday because they require I have an Alumni Plus account to access them. (Before, most of the workshops were simply walk in, however in these cases, they are going to swipe the students' ID cards). Since my extracurricular class also starts tomorrow night, it's not worth it.;;

9:12pm: Border State Park + Fashion Valley Mall
Conclusion: I'm naturally horribly out of shape.

Last night's mistake #1: Downing over 6 cups of green tea shortly before I sleep, no matter how nice it is to drink or weak unc and auntie say it is does not encourage sleep. Mistake #2: The blankets I bought with my sleeping bag, in additional to the newly fixed heater (which I'm glad got fixed) made it extremely hot to sleep. Mistake #3: I probably should've bought a pad for my sleeping bag; getting up I was stiff enough I cracked my joints from my neck to my limbs.

All in all, I was tired enough to try to sleep at 10 PM. I sort of dozed off twice and then snapped awake two, three hours later whereupon I studied the whiteness of the ceiling for another two hours before I admitted defeat and got up to fiddle with my comp. Tried to sleep again around 3 AM. They got me up around 7 AM like planned, but we ended up leaving around 8:10 AM anyway.

Got lost twice on the way to Maiko's, got lost once after picking up Maiko, and I think we got lost after the volunteering. I also got flipped off by an impatient jerk when I stopped momentarily in the right lane (leaning into the right) to try to figure out where the restaurant was (when he passed easily me ANYWAY) and then honked by an asshole when I turned out of the parking lot. The space was large enough for me to cut in, either he was speeding or just being an ass. The first time I can kind of understand, the second, hell no. Do SDers have huge gouges in their shoulders or what? (And this time I'm in SD proper. UCSD is technically in La Jolla.)

I think Maiko got a somewhat poor impression of me.;; (She's the latest intl Jpn student who mailed me on Conversation Partners and I thought it would be a lovely chance to meet her and take her out with the others. Unfortunately we also kept lapsing into Mandarin [DD:] and... well, tired and cranky me is potty-mouthed short-tempered me. I did manage to get her and the others to laugh a couple of times though.)

Volunteer work was simple but I got tired quickly. :D;; We widened the horse riding trails. Essentially we just broke off or cut the overgrowth of 'chlora canthis' (I have no idea how its spelled, but this was roughly what it sounded like). We saw a number of riders with their horses. I haven't seen horses in a long time, so it was very cool. Had lunch at the House of Pancakes, where I ran into those rude drivers. Then we drove down to the Fashion Valley Mall to have a look-see... it's pretty huge.

Nice day. Could've been better, but it was interesting and kind of cool. ^^ Tomorrow, the zoo! And I drive home.

10:14pm: Success!
The plans pulled together and I'm in SD for the weekend. There is internet, but I won't be doing anything interactive, so I won't be "available" until Monday. I'll be checking mail and such if things come up.

3:07am: Finally, not lolling in front of the laptop...
I'm not even sure what I did today. I should make a list of what I did do and see where I went wrong. Time is like money, isn't it? You make a list to see where the budgeting goes and where it goes all sorts of wrong, right?

I'm lousy with budgeting. I'm a fright.

Speaking of money.... Mandarake FINALLY has Hetalia doujinshi up. ....yeah. Uh. ._. I seriously hope I only stop when I literally have no money left to spend. That would be very bad.

I might be out this weekend. It will depend on whether I pull it all together tomorrow and wake up in a timely manner Friday/Saturday.

If I do, I'll be driving down to San Diego Friday afternoon/night and kicking it over at Yvonne and Jenny's (the two houseguests from earlier this month). Saturday I'll take them to volunteer at the Border State Park, helping clear the equestrian trails with Roots and Shoots/Tijuana Estuary.

Then maybe I'll go see Randy, if he lets me, and draw around... probably go back for dinner? Either that or maybe we'll hit the Birch Aquarium if there's time. Their parents are visiting (originally I thought they'd already gone home) so I feel like an odd one out. :D;; Sunday I'll take them and their parents to the SD Zoo.

Then I'll drive on Sunday, I'm thinking... I'll be crashing at their place for two nights, if so. Luckily their parents seem to be okay with me taking up some floorspace.

So... I need to finish a letter, mail it and a package out, finish some pictures and script and do more cleaning. :

3:22am: Government on Ebay.
This made me laugh.

http://www.americant.boxbrown.com/

Brilliant.

2:53am: ....or not.
After making the resolution to use LJ again, it is supremely ironic that news of a harsh layoff hits LJ users via Valleywag, leading to speculation that it is only a matter of time before LJ, like the USSR, collapses.

¬_¬

Spent most of the day editing and updating (by only a dozen) the doujinshi on my direct sales post on my LJ account, so no real cleaning or progress on my to-do list. Wednesday is another shot.

In other news, Fukki's off-hand joke has made me realise I really am addicted to buying doujinshi (well it's one of the only things I ever collected. Some go for coins, electronic pieces, shotglasses... I did doujinshi...) as I'm currently negotiating a ~$200 buy. While this is a little crazy to me since this is the first time I'm using this deputy (however she does seem reliable and established if the other (repeat) buyers are any indication). Also, I'm not sure if her prices are the best rates, but since I'm only use SMJ and ITM4U, I think it's more or less close to what ITM4U would charge after the commission and PP fees... up to a certain point. Then again a number of the circles I'm requesting for at the events she's attending don't sell their books via site... they use the bookshops which I've not tried to navigate. I think I thought about it a few times and got hopelessly lost.

Then again, it's still a lot of money. ^^; ..... ._. Ah yes, I've been doing that a lot anyway.

5:47pm: Monday, babble, etc.
First Monday of 2009. I've pushed back sleeping to before 4 AM and am managing to get up at noon. This is some progress from sleeping after 4 AM and waking up around 2~3 PM. I'm working on that waking up around 9 AM goal.

I remember a little about dreaming the past few days. I can't clearly remember what. Something bloody and disturbing... I think I remember I was meant to be decapitated in one of them. But I would regenerate and revive.... I woke up before they could hack off my head.

In the past few days, too, I've woken up because of petty loud arguments carried on by, of course, the old man. I remember how despicable he is when he does this sort of moronic shit.

It was bro's bday on Sat and since he had friends over we mostly kept to our rooms to stay out of his way, like he prefers. Dad bought too much food, which was nice but also a problem since we had to deal with the rest of it after the party and after bro left yesterday to start winter quarter.

Working on returning some mail and still cleaning. I expect to be settled with the bulk of my room cleaning and pulling out my notes and pamplets on what to do after graduation by the end of this week. Similar I'll be trying to clean up my accounts and computers but I don't know how well that will go with so much data floating around. At any rate I am working to straighten everything out and be set with a rough game plan by Chinese New Year, after which I'll work on clearing out all the papers in the dozen of boxes stacked around the house, and refining a career plan. Hopefully I'll be reenrolled in UCSD's Alumni Plus and talking shop with them within a month.

I'm going to try to keep in touch with Yvonne and Jenny, the two unexpected houseguests that dropped in for two nights last week. They're the daughters of dad's classmate. They're nice and they're staying down in SD (Yvonne is doing grad work).

I have dropped into the Hetalia fandom and I think it's my next big thing. I've been inspired to draw and such for it. I'm definitely more or less out of the Zetsubou fandom. After I finish my part of the script for the doujinshi story for the English doujinshi project, I will try to do a pinup, but I tihnk that's the end of my involvement in that fandom.

It's tied into history, so I'm hoping that Hetalia, along with watching West Wing (US TV series), will get me into more news watching and remembering things of interest.

I also am considering posting at my LJ account to properly keep in touch with people there. The sad fact of the matter is most of the LJ wank has managed to blow over and people/comms continue there, business as usual. I am set on posting my fan work and posts here on IJ, because I remember and am sticking to what I said. However I really want to make an effort to keep in touch with people, and they mostly have LJ accounts, so I might repost or link back here on LJ again. I'll try to settle that by CNY as well.

Today, a helpful WaMu rep (sr. lending) who was helping me enter the sweepstakes, got me to switch most of my savings account into a money market account for the better interest rate. I don't really understand, but it seems cool. She was very helpful, patient and awesome in face of my bulgy "huuuh?" ♥ to her.

I went to deposit some money I found tucked in the mass of papers in my room. (PS found diploma! it was in a piece of cardboard I was about to throw away as I was cleaning. 'n')

2:58am: Resolutions
After my last post, I did walk around the block the following day. It was a rainy few days, which was lovely.

Happy New Year and belated happy winter holidays to you all! Like with every year, my holidays were just like any other day.... except this time around I had a few days I saw some other people and they were pretty fun. :)

So, I should put down some resolutions to try.

- Research and decide on a career-- and get to it.
- Take better care of myself. (e.g. sleep more regularly, pay attention to what I eat, etc.)
Derivation: Wake up around 9 AM regularly.
- Work and improve on the skills I have. (e.g. drawing, writing)
- Have time management.
- Clean out my possessions.


Let's bring it, everyone!

12:53am: New goal for tomorrow!
Fuck this shit.

I need to go out somewhere tomorrow instead of sitting on my ass in my room. That's what I have been doing 90% of the time since I stopped working mid-October. I get the feeling sometimes I'm turning into something similar to a hikikomori.

Maybe it'll still be raining tomorrow and I can walk around the block with an umbrella! :) Just... somewhere.

Doing it by myself is something of a downer, but that's just what happens when I can count all my friends on one hand and either they aren't nearby or the couple that are are working or have an S.O.

9:08pm: There goes that plan.
Originally, I was going to crash at the lone friend who was cool with giving me crashspace, but 'rents balked at crashing on the floor of his room, so I need to cancel. Looks like I'll just go ahead with the re-subscription instead of doing a back-to-back last-minute bombardment of the Career Svcs. I didn't plan to have a concrete plan to grill the staff over so it's not worth having to pay to be able to stay overnight and use the Career Svcs right now (the 'rents were willing to spring for me staying at a hotel instead!).

Well.

I haven't kept watching the DVDs since I stopped after finishing Smallville Season 1. Hoping I'll feel like getting back into it soon.

Since yesterday I've finally started to clean my room again. It looks better and worse, per usual cleaning process. There are things I'd like to sale off and stuff, but it's different finding the right place to offer it where it will go. The infamous Ebay's fees are unpleasant and the buyers don't seem to be crowding there either, so... might resort to it for a couple of things. I need to write up everything though, bummer.

Unfortunately while I still have wads of things to do, I still lump around and get deathly bored. I suspect it's the lack of external stimulation (I never was great at the self-drive thing if I hadn't got started on something), i.e. having not hung out with anyone. The "how fast can you type" app can only sustain me so far. On the bright side, it seems to be driving me to finally touch my tablet again. Unfortunately, I really, really suck right now. But hey that's what's practice is for, right? ::grimace::

I'm finding all sorts of things I own that I didn't remember I had. f^^;;

Other than the above, not much progress lately. Have blown a lot of money on media this month, again, need to be careful of that since I'm essentially a NEET right now. Still waiting to get my confirmation for the JET app... and I still need to return my godmother's email. ^^;;; (Late again.... damn.)

2:52am: Haps
I have a hideous problem with my sleeping/waking schedule. It's actually not that far off from the one I went by in college (but that was bad!), but I've been drifting off aroudn 4-5 AM. Yesterday I tried to sleep at 2 AM... but ended up tossing around until 4:30 AM.... I haven't woken up before noon for the last week and a half. ::depression:: Hope I fix it... and it's a few minutes shy of 3 AM right now and I'm going to turn in soooon.

My 6-month Alumni Plus subscription to my Career Svcs Ctr expires 12/20/08. I haven't used it once. I'm hoping to gather up some prep work on how to start planning a career and to go down to SD and ask them some questions next week before it runs out.

I don't know anyone down there who I can crash over for a few nights. :X Maybe one, but... damn that is just sad. (Then again considering I spent the last few months holed up by myself in my room, this is a (somewhat bad) habit. I'll try to ask my friend or maybe I'll have to go for renting a room.;; But that's cheap... I may consider resubscribing for another 6 months in case I need them while really planning stuff in the next few months. :X

Fairy Tail chapter was filled with Loke today. I'm ecstatic. I seriously adore Mashima-sensei for this chapter. ♥♥♥♥

Okay, sleep! :/

2:50am: Smallville Season 1
Top 3 Favorite Characters
1. Lex Luthor
2. Martha Kent
3. Chloe Sullivan

Top 3 Hated Charaters
1. Lana Lang
2. Jonathan Kent
3. Lionel Luther

I've been into Lex and Clark fanfics since I've been reading Smallville fanfics, so I'm pretty surprised to discover, after actually watching Smallville, I don't have any particular compulsion to pair them up.

They definitely have potential as a pairing in season 1. There are various points in Season 1 that have beautiful tension and Moments where the two just play off each other. (The foreshadowing quotes are simply fantastic!)

However, the way Lex and Clark think go completely pass each other and leads me to believe if they tried going out for a while, it will only end in tears. Unless Clark can get his mind in the game and stretch it out around the other's way of processing and reacting to things. (I say Clark because I feel Lex is actually already trying to compensate for Clark's different way of thinking and beliefs, even if he still sometimes end up manipulating the hell out of things and stirs things up. I say it's pretty obvious by now he's a kind of control freak because any lapse of knowledge of power in his day-to-day life means only exploited and taken for a ride by his father or associates [Kents and other Smallville residents excluded]).

I'm enjoying the series so far. The writing is good, the (foreshadowing) prose is fantastic, and the characters are interesting.

Off the bat I'm tempted to do clark/Whitney easy over, complicated Lex/Clark (of course), and Chloe/Clark. I've had a Lex/Dib xover plunnie from waaayy back and I shamelessly admit part of the reason I wanted to buy the boxsets was so I can actually write the fanfic. I'm still hoping it will happen, eventually. I'm going to be keeping an eye on when in the series Lex loses his awesomeness and goes to douche so I can time it right.

That wraps up short summary of my impressions of S1. Stopped watching, but hopefully will continue in a week or two. :X

8:29pm: Today is :D
Smallville Seasons 1-6 arrived today.

Mashima-sensei has Loke in the newest chapter of Fairy Tail and Loke is smoking hot, GUUUHHHH ♥♥

I AM REVIVED!! REVIIIIVEEED!!!

::spaced out fic-binging the last few days::

12:48am: Speed junkie
New personal best: 110 mph. And my former personal best, 100 mph, I actually hit that speed for a few minutes, well, maybe a fifth of the way, than just a few seconds.

The roads are terrifically deserted late at night.

Is it terrible I noticed my car smells like burned rubber when I got out when I got home?

...will rinse off tires tomorrow morning. :X
---

Went to UCSD today to pick up transcript and letter from Fujiwara-sensei. So awesome to see her again, she's so huggable. :'D Spent whole day there, pretty nice. Walked all around. Still nostalgic, but it's sinking in I don't really miss the cramming! Got a bunch of flyers and such. Listened to the Peace in ME panel and then watched El Norte. Directer Nava was present and did Q&A after with an intro in front. Very cool. Too bad couldn't stay and finish asking my question.;

Going to try to check out the Tongva exhibit tomorrow and watch Call+Response.

7:51pm: Time to TURN IT UP!
YESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 in 10,000. AMERICA HAS COME THROUGH!

2:54pm: Election Day 2008
Voted. If you haven't yet, go vote!

9:55pm: Status Update: Doomed
1. My desk is worse. How is it possible? How indeed.
2. Fujiwara-sensei just wrote back. Is that a yes? I think that's a yes! (I mean, I knew she would eventually, but OMGSHEREPLIIIIED.) She wants more details... am wondering if that has to be in Japanese. Must reply by tomorrow.
3. Election Tuesday. STILL CLUELESS. I read around it rather than on it.
4. Have not done anything for Artist Alley booth next weekend.
5. Have not worked on R!N script.
6. Have not planned some showing for Nanos.
7. And my app hasn't really progressed since Thursday. Lisa and Fujiwara-sensei would want the SoP and Resume to refer back to at least.
8. Desperately need to write my godmother a letter as she has just given me a 400-year-old keepsake from her family. ::shell-shocked::

"Tdei, so wtf were you doing the last three days?"

Uh. Sorting bookmarks and reading news/information? ::was sucked in::

7:26pm: Spread thin?
One of the really lame excuses I told myself as to why I should put off looking at the news (online) is I was worried I will get sucked in. Well, am looking at news as I am still working on cleaning bookmarks.

Yes, yes my head does vaguely feel like it's going to go on overload and explode. (There probably wasn't much space in it anyway.) Regions that attract my interest on the social, political, and economic planes:

Japan - mild cultural obsession
Korea - political class
Taiwan - my ethnic background
China/Tibet - indirectly involved with Taiwan; environmental damage
India - water issues, wind power leader
Israel/Palestine - economic class
United Kingdom - study abroad
Iceland: Fukki
Germany: .... :X
rest of Europe - political classes and indirectly involved with other countries of interest
Australia - Karenren, Chase (from TV show), fact that Aussies make up the highest number of backpackers around the world
Mexico - political class (on drugs and trade)
South Africa - Mati

PS-- Still have no found diploma. Admittedly I haven't really ransacked my room yet, but...

Went to PCC's Green Summit today. It was so-so, pretty nice. :) Learned a few things.

12:08am: I wasn't lying about my diploma.
When I mentioned I am applying to JET when Philip bummed up a few days back, I jokingly said I didn't know where my diploma was. (I am planning to copy that as proof of my BA.)

Actually, I really don't know where my diploma is. I just poked at the plastic bag I thought it was in, but, naturally, it's not there. I suspect it's somewhere with my dummy diploma wallet (you know, that fake frame/case they give you to hold at the graduation ceremony that doesn't actually have the diploma in it?).

I'm relatively sure it's in my room. I just need to find it...

2:18am: Wh- where did the time go?
Oh shit. I just spent the last 9 hours reading the ITIL. OTL Shiiit. I'm supposed to get up by 11 to PChat with Den7 and I haven't brushed up on Eroica, using Rakugaki, or warming up to draw in general (I'm absolute shyte when I start up from after a while of no drawing). Also, Day of Dead Festival plans, etc.

Shyyttteee. ::goes to sleep:: O_O